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The Secret Kerry Footballer: I know hurlers are mad but cancelling Christmas is a step too far

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Writing exclusively for the Killarney Advertiser, The Secret Kerry Footballer reveals what’s really going on inside the GAA

Hurlers are mad. I was standing next to Jackie Tyrrell at some launch up in Croke Park a few years ago and while we were hanging around for our photo to be taken, I decided to strike up a conversation. Just to be nice, like.

“Well Jackie. How’s the form?”

“What do ya mean by that?!” he snapped, his eyes widening. “I know I wasn’t at the races against Tipp. I know that more than any man!”

By this stage, his nose was touching mine.

“Jesus, relax boy,” I said. “I’m only here to sell a bit of protein milk.”

“Believe you me, I’ll be back,” he growled through gritted teeth. “We’ll be back. Ye’ll rue the day ye ever wrote off Kilkenny!” Then he ripped off his Avonmore t-shirt and sprinted off down the tunnel under the Hogan Stand.

I turned and made eye contact with Cillian O’Connor, who was only a young fella at the time. He was rightly shook by the whole thing. There’s a joke to be made there about Mayo footballers in Croke Park but that’d be easy pickings.

Much like the Mayo footballers in Croke Park.

Kilkenny won the All-Ireland the following year and Tyrrell was immense. When he got his hands on the Liam McCarthy, he turned and glared into the nearest TV camera and put his finger to his lips. “He has silenced his critics,” Ger Canning exclaimed. Cillian texted me and asked if it was aimed at me. It probably was.

The point of my story is that hurlers are mad. I know this from dealing with them (from a safe distance) for many years. But I was still shocked by Austin Gleeson’s recent comments about cancelling Christmas. The Waterford hurler said that he has always enjoyed his Christmases but this year he has made a “conscious decision” to not do that so he can train and be ready for next season. Lads. A conscious decision to not enjoy Christmas. Have you ever heard the like?

Even the German and British soldiers in World War I took a break from shooting each other’s heads off on Christmas Day. But no, that’s not good enough for Austin Gleeson.

If Austin Gleeson was on the front line on Christmas Day, 1914, he would have spent his morning analysing the other army’s likely formations and his afternoon doing the beep test. And the lads having the craic out in no man’s land.

No beer for Christmas. Lord God. The way the GAA has gone, alcohol is effectively banned for 95% of the year as it is. And now they want to take Christmas off us as well? As a footballer in Kerry, the festive season is the only time you can safely go on the lash without fear of repercussions. If you go out drinking at any stage from January to November, there’s a decent chance you’ll look across the bar and see some auld lad judging you from behind his pint. There’ll be nothing verbal but he’ll tell you with his eyes. “Ye’ve a game on Sunday.” Yeah. Good man.

Of course, the irony of it all is that back in the auld lad’s day, beer bans didn’t even exist. He might have been advised to stay away from the top shelf the night before a county final but that was about the size of it.

Our club secretary caught me flooring Sambucas in Mustang’s one night before an O’Donoghue Cup semi-final and he had a right cut off me. Very high and mighty stuff altogether. I contemplated putting the head down and taking my bollocking but then he brought up what I allegedly did on that Kerry trip to Orlando. I had to say something.

“My father told me that when you played, you were encouraged to go drinking the night before a match because there was no way a hangover could make you any worse.”

I wasn’t long quietening him. And we won the following day as well.

To be fair, Paul Murphy scored 1-4 off me and I was whipped at half-time. But look, it’s a team game.

 

Illustration: Adam Moynihan.

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Restricting short-term lets “Detrimental” to Tourism Industry, says Cahill

Kerry Fianna Fáil TD Michael Cahill has warned that moves to restrict short-term lets will have a damaging effect on the local tourism economy. Speaking this week, the Deputy argued […]

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Kerry Fianna Fáil TD Michael Cahill has warned that moves to restrict short-term lets will have a damaging effect on the local tourism economy.

Speaking this week, the Deputy argued that a diverse mix of accommodation is essential for the county’s success.
“We need Long and Short Term Lets, there’s no doubt about that. We need all sorts of accommodation types to fill the needs of the people. Restricting any type, for instance Short Term Lets, is a detrimental move and we should encourage more of all types,” said Deputy Cahill.
The Fianna Fáil spokesperson on Tourism claimed that because Kerry is the premier tourist county in Ireland, local business owners should have been consulted before any legislative changes were introduced. He noted that the wide choice of accommodatio,  including hotels, guest houses, B&Bs, and AirBnBs, is a primary reason visitors choose the area.
“Without this mix and flexibility, many people would stay away, despite our fabulous food and stunning scenery offerings,” he said. “As I stated previously, we need to be very careful that we do not ‘kill the Golden Goose’ by legislating Tourism Accommodation Providers out of the market.”
Addressing the housing crisis, Deputy Cahill stated his belief that the shortage can be solved through the reclamation of vacant and derelict premises and an increase in new planning permissions, rather than by targeting the tourism sector.
“I firmly believe that with the reclamation of Vacant & Derelict premises and a marked increase in new Planning Permissions, for both One Off Housing and Group Housing, which I have been constantly pushing for at the highest level of this Fianna Fáil led Government, with the expected investment in Constructed Wetlands in villages across the county, something that I have been consistently calling for since being elected a TD for Kerry 12 months ago, we will solve that shortage in the medium term,” he stated.
Deputy Cahill also criticised the new Short Term Letting Register managed by Fáilte Ireland, stating it lacks universal support in Killarney.
“The fact that this new Register is to focus on just one type of letting, i.e. Short Term, has brought it into disrepute with those offering such a service. Many of them believe that it is discriminatory towards Short Term Letting and that they are being held responsible for the shortage in Long Term lettings and the Housing Crisis,” he said.
The Rossbeigh-based TD highlighted that many in the AirBnB sector have no intention of moving into long-term letting. “They have found their niche, they say, they pay their taxes and they feel they should not be forced out of business. Legitimate businesses should be allowed to carry on and other tactics need to be employed to encourage and attract people to offering Long Term Letting. We need not use a sledge hammer to crack a nut,” he added.
Concluding his remarks, Deputy Cahill repeated his call for a waiver for those who have been operating short-term lets for three years or longer.
“I will again raise this serious matter in the Dáil, with the Taoiseach and Senior Government Ministers. This issue is more important now than ever before as is evident over the past 2 weeks with the opening of the first completed section of the South Kerry Greenway and the very obvious shortage of accommodation,” he said.

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Paul O’Brien retains title at Gleneagle Squash Finals

The Gleneagle Squash Club concluded its season with a series of competitive finals at the Gleneagle Leisure Centre. Sponsored by Kerry Airport, the evening highlighted the significant progress of the […]

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The Gleneagle Squash Club concluded its season with a series of competitive finals at the Gleneagle Leisure Centre.

Sponsored by Kerry Airport, the evening highlighted the significant progress of the club’s junior members, many of whom are now challenging senior players.
The night opened with a five-game ladies final battle between junior player Éabha Lynch and Mary O’Callaghan. Lynch took an early lead before O’Callaghan fought back to level the match.
However, Lynch held her nerve in the decider to win 3-2. In the second ladies’ final, Paula McElligott defeated Joanne McCarthy 3-1. Despite a strong second game from the experienced McCarthy, McElligott’s pace secured her the victory.

Division 4 and 3

In Men’s Division 4, Alan Moriarty defeated Rob O’Sullivan 3-0. Moriarty controlled the game with strong power hitting to take the match in straight sets.
In Division 3, junior Noah Counihan continued his season-long winning streak with a 3-0 victory over John O’Sullivan, demonstrating the momentum he has built through several recent promotions.

Division 2 and Main Championship Division 2

saw another junior success as Ignacy Truchan faced his coach and mentor, Keith Cronin. Truchan took a two-game lead before Cronin mounted a comeback to force a fifth game. Truchan eventually won out 3-2.
The main event was a repeat of the club’s top-tier rivalry between current holder Paul O’Brien and Donnagh Crowley. Crowley led 2-1 and appeared to be closing in on the title, but O’Brien fought back to take the final two games, winning 3-2 and retaining the cup.
The club expressed its gratitude to Kerry Airport for their continued sponsorship and to the Gleneagle Leisure staff including Eoin, Lisa, Dieter, and Lisa for their assistance in organising the event.

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